Archived Post #1

My dreams keep getting weirder and weirder. Last night, for instance, I dreamed that I kept licking the outsides of bandaids because they tasted good.

A week ago I dreamed that I was in a graveyard with a bunch of kids watching a woman dig up the grave of a very dead baby. This woman, btw, much resembled, in both behavior and appearance, a cross between Eddie Kaspbrak’s mother (think Stephen King’s “It”), and the mother from Sybil. Yeah, not the most pleasant of nighttime places to be visiting.

What I remember about that particular dream is that it smelled rather bad. It smelled like a load of wash that has been sitting in the washing machine for much too long during the summer. It smelled like grayness and dusk; but not the kind of dusk that makes you think of fireflies and parties–no, this was the kind of dusk that smelled like death, where you wonder upon the locking of the front door whether or not you will have a chance to get up the next day . . .

Anyways, I wanted to share with you my rules of behavior for one particular teacher of mine. I have my rules of social engagement, but those are for general situations, and not for specific occurrences. If my regular rules of engagement don’t completely work for you, I suggest doing as I have done by taking bits and pieces here and there, and then testing to see what will and won’t work.

This one particular teacher and I have a long history of not getting along. At one point last year, s/he actually took me aside and told me that I needed to be more quiet, and to only answer questions when no one else knew the answers.

Well, my thought processes behind this at the time were as follows:

If no one is answering the question, then I should answer it, since she is asking.

But it turned out that it was better to be quiet for a bit longer, because sometimes the silence forced the recalcitrant ones to speak up.

But I’m past all of that. I’m tired of getting glares from this person, so I’ve decided to play it her/is way. Plus, s/he’s one of my major profs, so in order to graduate from my program, I have to get on her/is good side . . . and failing that, I have to at least show her/is that I am capable of doing my job properly.

1. Do Not Speak.
2. Ask Friends First.
3. Raise Hand.
4. Only Speak When Spoken To.
5. Don’t Make Noises.
6. Pay Attention Silently.
7. I Am Not Special.
8. I Am Not An Individual.
9. _______ Is A Very Busy Person.
10. Everyone’s Voice Deserves To Be Heard.
11. If No One Else Knows An Answer, Then You Can Speak.
12. Do Not Look At Hir Too Often.
13. S/he Is The Wise Teacher; I Am But A Mere Unknowing Student Of Lesser Stature.
14. Stay In The Moment.
15. Don’t Think Ahead.
16. Don’t Even Consider Going Off-Topic.
17. Be Direct.
18. Be Concise.
19. If You Can’t Say What You Mean In Just A Few Words, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
20. Do Not Infer, Suppose or Assume.
21. Creative Descriptions May Only Be Used In Conjunction With Subjects That Are Centered Around Creativity (i.e. – music).
22. Do Not Mention Anything About The Autism Spectrum. (At one point on the first day of class, when s/he was talking to us about our term papers, s/he turned towards my direction and said that s/he would not accept papers written on Pervasive Developmental Disorders. S/he didn’t say my name, but s/he stared at me directly upon that announcement.)
23. Do Not Venture Into Other Related Subjects.
24. Do Not Comment On One Subject/Topic More Than Once Unless What You Have To Say The Second Time Is Significantly Different From Your First Statement.
25. Listen.
26. If S/he Confuses You With A Statement, And Your Friends Are Also Confused, Then It Is Sometimes Permissible To Ask About It During Class; Otherwise, Wait Until The Conclusion Of Class To Speak With Hir.
27. Never Talk With Hir Just To Chat.
28. Always Have An Important Reason For Speaking With Hir – Otherwise Just Smile And Nod.
29. Speak Slowly.
30. Say One Idea At A Time.
31. Write Your Questions Down.
32. Stay Out Of Hir Way.
33. Look Up From Your Notes And Nod Your Head In Agreement With What S/he Is Saying From Time To Time.
34. Don’t Tell Hir Your Ideas Unless They Are Directly In Line With What S/he Lined Out In Class.
35. Don’t Think Outside Of Hir Box.
36. Do Not Discuss Music With Hir Unless It Is Non-Western (and even then, it’s better just to keep your mouth shut).
37. Remain Serious.
38. Do Not Make Jokes (one every so often is sometimes permissible, but those times are seemingly random and if I choose wrong, they tend to end badly).
39. Apologize Immediately, Even If You Don’t Know Why.
40. Do Not Make Guesses (especially if they are somewhat wild).
41. Do Not Admit Uncertainty.
42. Never Imply That Your Misunderstanding Is Somehow Hir Fault.
43. Stay Focused.
44. Sit As Still As You Can Stand To.
45. Pay Attention Without Being Obvious About It.
46. Do Not Make A Spectacle Of Yourself.
47. Do Not Talk To Others Or Interact With Others In Any Way, Shape, Or Form When S/he Conversing/Directing With Them.
48. Do Not Attempt To Show Support To Someone Who Has Fallen Subject To One Of Hir Critiques (until afterwards).
49. Do Not Mention The Differences In Hir Treatment Of Other Students Within Hir Hearing Range.
50. Try To Avoid Going To The Bathroom During Hir Classes.
51. Try To Avoid Eating Too Loudly During Hir Classes.
52. Try To Avoid Drawing Attention To Yourself During Hir Classes.
53. Never Show Up To Class Late.
54. Never Speak Casually With Hir.
55. Try To Refrain From Openly Disagreeing With Hir.
56. Don’t Let On When S/he Has Upset You.
57. Don’t Ask Hir To Repeat Herself.
58. Don’t Laugh At Hir Jokes Too Often.
59. Don’t Laugh At Hir Jokes Too Loudly.
60. Don’t React Too Much To Anything.
61. Do Not Try. You Must BE instead.
62. Remain Calm.
63. Do Not Become Excited When Talking To Hir.
64. Breathe.
65. Never Ever Attempt To Show Off.
66. Don’t Lose Your Nerve.
67. Do Not Smile Too Frequently.
68. When You Do Look At Hir, Look At Hir Intently, As Though You Are Pondering How To Create Nuclear Fusion With Just The Power Of Your Mind.
69. Do Not Give Up.
70. Do Not Be Casual In Your Actions.
71. Be Clear.
72. Don’t Tell Hir Your Ideas.
73. Ask Hir Rather Than Just Telling Hir.
74. Don’t Laugh Within Hir Hearing Range (outside of class).
75. Always Be Courteous.
76. Do Not Show Fear.
77. And For The Love Of God, Don’t Point Out Hir Mistakes.